Ten Facts about Black Wednesday

Photo by Aleksandr Popov on Unsplash

I am the self-proclaimed expert on all things Black Wednesday.

I haven’t missed a single Black Wednesday in over 30 years. I drank with the pioneering revelers in the 1980s, back when we felt we were among the few to realize that it’s a great day for drinking (four days to shake the hangover). I even made it to the longneck lounge after colliding with a fire hydrant that jumped in front of my car in the early 2000s. I opened my own speakeasy in 2020 when the fascists had shut everything down.

I’ll make my way there again tonight with a handful of friends, a handful of sons, a handful of nephews, a handful of quarters for the jukebox, and a handful of Black Wednesday lore.

1. It’s not “Blackout Wednesday.” It’s “Black Wednesday,” its etymology deriving from the other side of the Thanksgiving sandwich: Black Friday.
2. “Black” refers to profits (“red” means losses). Black Friday is profitable for retailers. Black Wednesday is profitable for bar owners.
3. “Drinksgiving” is simply lame. “Drink” doesn’t rhyme with “thanks,” any more than “moron” rhymes with “dolt,” both of which describe anyone who uses that stupid term.
4. “Black Lives Matter” deserves neither credit nor blame for the name. Totally unrelated.
5. It might be the biggest bar night of the…